let the sun beat down

I've been thinking about him lately, probably more than I should, or if I should even at all.

It's my only hope to hold on too.

I wonder about him.

Wonder if I'll see him again.

Will I even have the guts to say more than 2 words if I do?

Wonder if he ever thinks about me.

I could've helped him. I should've been the listener that I am today.

He would've trusted to tell me why he was feeling that way. But I was immature and I ignored it.

I didn't even know it then but in just a few months I would be going through almost the SAME thing that he did. And he could've helped ME, like I should've done with him. Someone could have. I might have had someone to talk to about all of this. That makes me really, really angry with myself.

I was a bad friend towards him. Plain and simple.

I regret that.

I regret a few things when it comes to him, actions I chose to take.

Everything could be different than it is today. Everything.

And that kinda kills me.

But he didn't pursue me after that, he gave up I guess. So that leads me to believe that what we had wasn't real, because when you care about someone you keep at it. I wasn't worth the pursuing.

what am I thinking here

I need to stop

it's all gone and I need to stop

I need something else to think about. I need something else to believe in

My thoughts are occupied by how things could have went if I didn't do something else. And that's for multiple situations

I'm having trouble facing with reality, that's it.

I feel like going to bed and just crying so than I will feel all better by tomorrow and have let it all out so this mood will pass

What happened, and when exactly did it all fall apart?