let the sun beat down

In health class, we're learning about stress. And today my class covered the behavioral, emotional, and physical signs of it. During the lesson I realized that I'm literally, no exaggeration, stressed out all hours of the day except when I'm in my deep sleep.

This fact really upsets me.. I don't want to be like this. Why can't my mind feel at ease when I'm awake? I told my mom about what I realized and she agreed, but she already knew that I'm always stressed. At dinner when I was telling my dad about it, she expressed that she "read somewhere that the only time in your life when you're not stressed in anyway is when you're dead". When she said that I swear to god I could've started to cry right there at the dinner table. Who is to say that I will always be stressed out, throughout my whole life? I know there WILL be a time in my life when I'm not, feeling at peace with life completely. I know this. I know I will make this happen. I felt that what she said was such a pessimistic thing to say and I'm not a pessimist. When my friends say things like,"Watch this happen when I'm older.." or "I bet that's going to happen to me" after hearing something unpleasant happen to a person, I feel that's a horrible way of looking at things. I picture my life in the future with nothing but optimism. Because I deserve one day not be stressed anymore and be happy. The day I'm dead will not be the first time I'm feeling stress less, thanks mom.

"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing, and dance, and write poems, and suffer, and understand, for all that is life."